Chapter 1

Kaeli

 

 

Crouched behind my locked bedroom door, I waited for the yelling to stop.

My hands trembled and my breath shook. Blood pumped through my veins faster than my head could process, and at its core was helplessness. The wait was going to kill me. A slow, torturous death.

Too many minutes later, the silence I was praying for came, followed by thunderous footsteps past my door.

I paused, still waiting.

As soon as I heard them stomp down the stairs and the unmistakable sound of the front door slamming shut, I moved, throwing the door open and running. The lack of noise that met my ears panicked me.

Please let her be okay. Please let her be okay.

The second I caught sight of Mom’s crumpled body on the floor beside the bed, the bottom dropped out of my stomach. I choked out a panicked kind of cry as I rushed forward, throwing myself down on the floor beside her.

Oh, God, please don’t let her be dead.

Relief struck hard when I heard her moan, but it was quickly replaced by concern when I saw her clutching at her stomach as she whimpered.

With careful movements, I took her in my arms. I didn’t say anything. I’d learned a long time ago that she couldn’t handle hearing my grief.

She gasped pitifully, making my throat close in on itself, and I had to screw my eyes shut tight to stop the tears that threatened to fall. I couldn’t let myself cry. I knew it would only add to the guilt she held inside her.

So, I just sat quietly, holding her while she whimpered, letting her know she wasn’t alone.

I felt her trying to breathe through her pain, and I breathed with her in encouragement. Then, after a while, she awkwardly stood on shaky legs and slowly limped to the bathroom.

Anger flared inside me as I watched her close the door behind her. I hated my stepfather more than any living thing in this world. He and his deadbeat, lowlife son had ruined our lives.

He’d been the nicest man there ever was when he’d first come into our lives. Full of pretty words and shiny promises. He’d swept Mom right off her feet just when she thought she’d never find anyone as wonderful as my father had been, but after they were married, he changed.

He became a monster.

When I was younger, I begged Mom to leave him, to take me away from the horror he subjected us to, but she always refused. Back then, I couldn’t understand why. I thought she loved him more than she loved me. But now that I was older, I knew the reason. He wouldn’t allow it. If we tried to leave, he would kill one of us, or maybe even both of us. I had no doubt about it at all. His heart was as black as they came.

With the lump still lodged deep in my throat, I shakily stood and moved back to my room to get ready for class. It didn’t matter how many times I’d had to leave her like that, it never got easier. Having to go to college and pretend everything was all fine in the world sucked. I hated it. I hated lying to my friends, and I hated having to lie for a monster like him.

Over the years, I’d been able to rely on playing what I called the pretend game when I was out in public, but even that seemed to be getting harder by the day.

It used to just be me and my best friend, Mia, hiding from the world. But now, thanks to Mia dating one of the city’s most popular guys, I’d somehow managed to inherit a dozen new friends. Friends who were fiercely loyal and protective. And very, very watchful.

But unfortunately, it wasn’t just my friends who were watching. When I said Jace—Mia’s boyfriend—was popular, I didn’t just mean he was well liked on campus. He was actually popular in a worldwide kind of way.

He and Mia’s twin brother, Aiden, along with their two closest friends, Matt and Dean, were on the brink of stardom. Their band, Fighting Fate, was about to reach worldwide fame after a clip they’d posted on YouTube went viral.

Unlike most of the kids who’d just started college, Jace and the guys had just recorded their first album and were going on a national tour with one of the country’s biggest rock bands, The Dark Hybrid.

So, you could kind of see my problem. Hiding wasn’t really an option anymore.

Pulling into the parking lot at Sac State, I parked in one of the farthest spaces, hoping to give myself a little time to collect myself before having to face everyone. Unfortunately, I’d only been there for a minute when there was a knock on my window.

Glancing up, I saw Mia smiling down at me.

Grabbing my things, I begrudgingly climbed out. “Hey,” I said, doing my best to look normal.

“Morning,” she said brightly.

“How is everyone this morning?” I asked, trying to keep her from looking at me too closely.

I’d never told Mia what went on behind the closed doors at home. I knew, considering we’d been best friends for five years, that probably made me a real shit friend, but it just wasn’t something I could do.

Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t stupid, and neither was she. She knew something wasn’t quite right. I mean, what kind of best friend never has her over for a sleepover the entire time they’d known each other? Or declines an invitation to sleep over at her house almost every time she’s asked? Yeah, not many.

We walked toward the large group of people gathered by Mia and Aiden’s car as she gave me the rundown on the guys and their coming tour. She’d been way more excited about it since she’d managed to organize a way of going with them.

I was going to miss her like crazy when she went, but I was still excited for her.

“So, I might’ve heard a little juicy gossip this morning,” Mia said with a teasing lilt to her voice.

I gave her a wary look. I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to like where this was going.

Mia waggled her eyebrows. “Apparently, Corey wants to ask you out.”

The groan slipped out before I could stop it. This was the last thing I needed. “I’m not interested.”

She bit her lip. I could tell my reaction had confused her. “Not even a little? He’s nice . . .”

“No.” I looked her dead in the eye so she would understand. I’d heard Corey’s ex-girlfriend was making life hard for any girl he talked to. “Ken’s making my life hell at the moment. I don’t need any more drama.”

She went quiet for a little while, seeing the slight shadows under my eyes for the first time. “How bad is it?” she whispered.

I really didn’t want her to go there. I still didn’t have full control over my emotions. “Bad,” I said, unable to say much else.

A worried frown creased her forehead. “You know, you can always come and stay with me.”

My heart contracted. If it was just me I was worried about, I’d take her up on her offer in a heartbeat. But it wasn’t. Yes, Ken intimidated me—even threatened me sometimes—but he never laid a hand on me. All his anger was reserved for Mom.

Once, when I’d been younger, I’d pissed him off enough to make him rant and rave until the vein was popping on his temple. That one experience was enough to scare the life out of me, but what had upset me more was the fact that he took it out on Mom later that night. From that moment on, I vowed to never push him to that point again.

“Thanks, but I can’t. I have to stay at home.”

She frowned. I knew I’d worried her, but I didn’t know how to say it any other way.

When we reached her car, Jace immediately claimed her, wrapping his arms around her in a possessive hug. I knew it was more to ward the girls away than the other way around.

“Hi, Kaeli. How are you?” he asked over the top of Mia’s head.

I couldn’t help smiling at him. I loved the way he doted on Mia. “I’m good.”

“Are you coming to the party on Friday?” he asked.

I flicked my gaze down to Mia. Before Jace, she had a pretty serious anxiety condition that prevented her from being anywhere near a crowd. Being with Jace had helped her learn to deal with it a little, but it still made her nervous.

Looking back at Jace, I saw a tiny glint of worry in the depth of his eyes and realized he was nervous too. I suddenly got the hidden question inside his question. He was hoping I would be there in case the worst happened while he was playing.

But unfortunately, I couldn’t answer one way or the other. I had no idea if I was going to be able to make it. It had always been like that with Ken. It was impossible to plan anything around someone so volatile.

“I’m not sure yet,” I said in a low voice.

Mia’s gaze was full of understanding. Drawing Jace’s attention back to her, she said, “Are you guys playing a full set?”

“Not a full one,” he said softly. “I don’t want to waste half the night when I’ve finally got you all to myself.”

Ah, that was right. Apparently, Jace’s mom, stepdad, and sister were going out of town for the weekend, and Mia was going to be staying there with him. Alone.

I watched him lean forward and kiss her softly on the forehead before whispering something in her ear. Mia blushed a little, and then a shy smile touched her lips. God, I loved those two.

Looking away, I gave them a little privacy for their moment. Instead, I thought about the party. It felt like such a long time since I’d had the opportunity to let loose like a normal teenager. I wished I had that luxury.

​

​

Chapter 2

Noah

 

 

The bar was almost filled to capacity—just like I knew it would be this time of night. That’s why I chose it. The hordes of people who occupied the small space conversed freely, their voices straining over the heavy rock music that pumped loudly in the background.

I sat on one of the barstools at the far end of the bar, and although I wasn’t exactly watching the door, my consciousness was very aware of it.

Draining the last of my beer, I set the bottle down and indicated to the barman for another. He eyed me with interest but said nothing. I liked this one. He didn’t ask me for ID like most of the other bartenders I’d come across. I shouldn’t blame them, really. I was only twenty. But my ID said otherwise.

I gave a derisive laugh under my breath. The only thing real on my ID was my picture, and even that was a far cry from how I really looked. Everything else was a lie. Okay, it was a lie I almost believed, but it was still a lie. Shit, I’d lived the lie for so long, I’d almost forgotten when my real birthday was.

May 20th, dumbass, I growled at myself.

I hated that the lie was taking over my life. My mom had begged me not to lose myself when I’d left, and I’d promised her I wouldn’t. The thought of breaking that promise was the only thing that kept me going most days.

The barman slid a Bud in front of me, taking the money he needed off the pile I’d left on the bar.

That was when I saw her.

She paused just inside the door, scanning the room before coming to stand in the space at the bar between me and the other patrons.

I looked her over as she ordered a rum. She looked like she was somewhere in her early twenties. Her hair was cut into a kind of crooked bob, with lots of jagged edges and mismatched lengths, and strips of bright pink color that framed her face. She was pretty, in a street value kind of way.

She sighed heavily, looking kind of dejected.

Pocketing my money, I picked up my beer and slid a couple of seats closer to her. “Hi.”

She looked up at me with surprise. Her eyes narrowed, showing caution, then she looked me up and down and smiled, obviously liking what she saw.

“Hi,” she said.

There was a slight flirtiness in her voice that amused me. “Having a bad day?”

Her eyes moved over my chest and arms, then slowly, she turned her body so it was angled directly toward me. Still smiling, she bit her lip with playful contemplation. “It might be about to get better . . .”

Damn, she was good. She picked up her glass and threw back half of its contents. I followed suit, never taking my eyes off her. “What’s your name?”

Her lips twitched with amusement. “Renee. What’s yours?”

“Mitch,” I said automatically. “You know, Renee, I’m a very good listener . . .”

She looked me over again, a wicked smile creeping onto her lips. “I think I’d rather be distracted from my problems than talk about them,” she said suggestively.

I pushed myself up off the edge of my seat, coming to stand only a few inches away from her. Her breath hitched. “You want a distraction?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

I stared into her eyes for a moment, trying to get her to fold, but she stood resolute. I downed the last of my drink and smiled. “Come on, then.”

She looked at me for a while, seeming to be making a decision. With a quick glance back at the barman, she picked up her glass, emptied it, and took my hand.

Without another thought, I led her straight to the restrooms. It was an obvious choice, but that was the point.

As soon as the door closed behind her, she locked it and smiled at me widely. I quickly stepped away from her and laughed. “You know, Renee, I didn’t know you were such a hoe.”

She tried to pretend to be offended, but her smile gave her away. “Yeah, whatever, lover boy. What’ve you got for me?”

I sighed, quickly switching to business mode. Kate was a lot of things, but subtle wasn’t one of them. “Not a lot. TJ’s warming to me. He’s still taking Pock to most of his transactions but mentioned to all of us that a big delivery is coming soon. I think he wants all hands on deck with this one, so I should be in. I’ll try to get some details about it over the next week.”

“Okay.” She looked me over, a slight worry creeping into her gaze this time. “Captain wanted to know if you were okay, so . . . are you? Are you handling everything okay?”

I knew what she was trying to get at. The drugs. I knew when I was asked to take on the job, I’d be required to do everything humanly possible to look as though I fit in with TJ’s gang, and that included doing what they did. That’s what undercover meant. Unfortunately, it meant I needed to drink, party, womanize, and do whatever drugs they did. And it took everything I had to look as though I enjoyed it because, believe me, I didn’t. I had to repress the urge to punch at least one of them more than once a day.

I sighed. “Yeah, I’m all right. Some of the shit’s going to be a bitch to kick, though,” I said in a defeated tone.

She gave me a sympathetic glance. “Just be careful, okay? We don’t want to lose you.” She stepped closer then, giving me a quick sisterly hug. “We’re going to send Leah in next Wednesday, so give her a hard time for me, okay?”

I laughed. “Sure thing, and Kate . . . Thanks,” I said softly.

She gave me one quick nod, then unlocked the door and stepped out. As the door swung closed behind her, I caught a quick glimpse of her straightening her dress as she headed for the door. After a few more seconds, I strode out to the bar for another drink.

 

***

 

Later that night, I sat on a stained brown sofa, in the middle of a dingy living room with worn, mottled carpet that stank like alcohol and smoke. Pressing a joint to my lips and inhaling deeply, I tried to numb it all from my mind.

Unfortunately, this was where I lived. We called it The Den. I have no fucking idea why. I guessed it was supposed to imply we were some sort of family, but if that was the case, then it was some fucked up family.

I blew out a puff of smoke in a sigh. Yep. This was my life. I fucking hated it, but it was also my job.

TJ, the leader of this fucked up gang of disgruntled criminals, paced the floor in front of me. He was on edge, swearing each time he turned and paced the other way.

“Fuck, I hate waiting!” he yelled.

I inhaled again. I was used to his behavior by now. So were the other guys. None of us so much as looked up from what we were doing. I leaned back on the couch and exhaled, and Davo turned another page on the titty mag he was reading beside me. When TJ’s cell beeped with a message, he swore again, but he seemed to calm a fraction.

We continued on like this, Pock and Vinnie sharing a cone, while Davo and I slumped on the couch and TJ paced. The only one not there was Mac, who was in the kitchen with a bad case of the munchies.

Fifteen minutes later, there was a knock at the back door.

“About fucking time,” TJ mumbled.

He called to Mac to answer it, and a minute later, a scrawny, dirty-haired guy, about the same age as me, wandered into the room, followed closely by Mac. He looked a bit frazzled, but then again, that was how he looked every time I saw him.

TJ didn’t bother trying to hide the fact that he was pissed off. He just cocked his gun and pointed it straight at him. “I fucking HATE waiting for people, Tom! Didn’t I tell you that the first time you came here?”

Tom’s eyes widened a fraction, but he remained the same otherwise. “Sorry, TJ. I thought I was being followed. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t leading anyone here.”

TJ glowered at him for a few more minutes, but even he couldn’t fault him for that. “Just give Mac the fucking bag!”

Tom passed Mac a large brown bag—a bag I knew belonged to the middle-aged businessman Tom worked for—and sank down onto the couch. He immediately proceeded to light a joint while he waited. TJ shook his head at him before following Mac into the kitchen.

Ken, Tom’s boss, was the only one of TJ’s buyers who knew where The Den was. I wasn’t sure why that was. I’d heard it had something to do with Ken helping TJ stay out of jail when he was younger, but that was only hearsay.

Sitting back, I took a long drag on my joint and blew the smoke out slowly. Usually, I would help Mac bag the drugs Tom was there to collect, but we’d already done it earlier that day.

Falling into a languid state, I allowed my mind to drift back to my real life, the one I was hoping to get back to real soon. I didn’t allow myself to think about it very often. That would be an occupational hazard, but I had to do it every now and again, just so I wouldn’t forget who I was. I refused to allow myself to turn into anything like any of these fucked up people.

Funnily enough, the world of drug dealers, rapists, and murderers was my reward for graduating the police academy with honors. Some fucking reward, huh? But at the time, I did feel honored. Growing up with a detective for a dad, as well as two brothers who also worked in emergency services, it was a natural move for me to go into the police academy. I wanted to catch the bad guys, just like my dad did.

The undercover job was offered to me because, apparently, it was common knowledge TJ only took young guys into his gang, and I fit the profile perfectly.

It took me six months to work up enough credits with the guy for him to induct me into his gang, and the initiation was far from pleasant, but here I was, eighteen months into my job – eighteen months since I last saw any of my family, and I was doing everything I could to bring it all to an end. I’d had enough. I wanted out. I just needed TJ to trust me so I could find out the setup for the next big delivery. If we could just get TJ’s supplier, this whole operation would go down, and I could go back to my normal life.

I just hoped I could last until then.

​

 

Chapter 3

Kaeli

 

 

I came home to raised voices.

After what had happened that morning, my heart immediately jumped into panic mode. Stepping warily into the lounge room, I found Ken and my loser stepbrother, Aaron, having some kind of face-off over the coffee table.

The second they both spun on me, their gazes dark and feral, I regretted my decision to interrupt.

“Where’s Mom?” I asked.

Ken’s eyes narrowed. “She’s gone shopping.”

I exhaled with relief and turned, ready to make a quick escape.

Aaron spun back on his father. “I’m not going. Make Kaeli go! I’m sure they’d appreciate her a lot more anyway.”

I froze on the first step and looked back at them. Getting in the middle of their problems was the last thing I wanted to do. Aaron was oozing anger, looking between me and his father, and Ken was practically livid.

Ken’s gaze turned from feral to calculatingly malicious between one breath and the next. I’d seen that look a few times before, and the aftermath was never good. I was petrified to the spot.

“Do what?” I asked hesitantly.

Ken just continued staring at me, considering whether he wanted me to do this ‘thing’ or not. I was just about to ask again when his lips curled up into a snide grin. “Hmmm . . . I think you might be right, Aaron,” he said. “This could work in our favor.”

“What do you want me to do?” I asked again, this time, a little more forceful.

He wasn’t looking at me anymore. He’d begun bustling around near the couch, arranging a bag of some sort.

“You’re going to go pick something up for me,” he said, not bothering to turn around.

“I have homework to do.”

“It can wait. This is more important.” He zipped up the bag and walked over to the stairs to stand in front of me, shoving a piece of paper into my hand. “Here’s the address you’ll be going to. You’ll have to catch the fifty-one to Forty-Seventh, then go the rest of the way on foot.”

“What? Why can’t I just drive?”

“You just can’t! Tell them Ken sent you—that Tom OD’d, and you’re his replacement.”

Alarm bells started ringing in my head. “Who OD’d? What are you talking about?”

“Just shut up and do as you’re told, you stupid bitch! If you fuck this up for me, I swear to God, you’ll regret it!” He thrust the bag at me, knocking me back a fraction.

I glanced up at him in alarm, pushing the bag back toward him. “This doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to do it.”

Ken’s eyes flashed with murderous rage. “You’ll do it all right, you little bitch, because if you don’t, your mother will be the one to pay for your mistake, and it will be a lot worse than what happened this morning!”

I felt the blood drain from my face. Oh, God.

As if reading my mind, he smirked.

I felt sick. Every part of me screamed that this was bad. I’d never wanted to say no more in my whole life, but the thought of Mom cowering next to the bed was still so fresh in my mind, I just couldn’t. I swallowed hard.

He shoved the bag hard against my chest. “Now get going, or you’ll miss the bus!”

When I didn’t move, he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me toward the door. Once it was open, he thrust me out onto the porch and slammed it shut behind me.

My whole body started to shake as I stood there. I didn’t know what to do. I knew Ken’s threats weren’t idle. He’d definitely follow through with it, and Mom would pay the price, but my head was screaming at me, telling me if I did this, it would be the biggest mistake of my life.

Seeing no choice but doing what Ken wanted, I shakily checked I still had my cellphone on me and started down the street.

As I walked, I kept reminding myself I was doing it for Mom, not Ken. Every time the anxiousness started to creep back in again, I placed a firm picture of Mom smiling on the screen of my mind to help me.

The second I arrived at the bus stop, the bus rolled to a stop beside me. As the door swung open, I tried to ignore the warning bells that were still ringing inside my head. I couldn’t help but feel like I was standing on a precipice, and the instant I stepped foot on that bus, my life was going to drastically change.

With that god-awful pang of unease still churning in my stomach, I forced myself to step on.

Twenty minutes later, I got off where Ken had instructed and called up the address using my cell’s GPS. When I saw where I needed to go, I frowned. What the hell! It was nowhere near Forty-Seventh. Why did he tell me to get off there?

Swearing under my breath, I tightened my grip on the bag’s handle and set off down the back street. The whole situation was making me sick. Something was seriously wrong with it.

The fact that Aaron hadn’t wanted to go was a major indicator because I knew Ken would’ve offered him money to do it. He had to bribe the idiot to do everything, even take out the freaking trash.

And then there was the whole thing about this Tom person OD’ing. I had no idea what the hell that was about, but any sentence that included the phrase OD’d, couldn’t be about anything good.

A bag. A delivery. A Tom who had OD’d. A person would have to be pretty stupid to think it had nothing to do with drugs.

My breathing sped up. Could Ken be a drug dealer? He was definitely a lot of things that weren’t good, but a dealer? I wasn’t sure I could fit the image of him in that category, but what did I know of those underworld kind of things?

Crossing the street, I shook my head and started down the next block. I wasn’t sure how I felt about my stepfather being a supposed drug dealer. I guessed no different than I felt about him being a wife beater. He was a douche either way. I didn’t know how he managed to have so many high-profile connections, but then again, maybe they were his clients . . .

Looking at my cell, I turned down the next street, grumbling even more when I had to start navigating decaying piles of rubbish and what looked like dried up puddles of vomit. If he was thinking I’d ever do this for him again, he could forget it.

The image of Mom lying huddled on her bedroom floor flashed at me like a neon sign, and my heart instantly sank. Realization came at me like a slap in the face. Ken knew my Achilles heel. Of course I’d do it again. He knew I had no other option.

Stupid, freaking asshole of a man. God, I hated him!

I kicked a rock that was lying on the footpath, watching it sail through the air before it smacked into a metal trash can with a loud clang. I looked around, hoping I hadn’t drawn too much attention to myself, but when I saw the number of the house in front of me, I realized I was a lot closer to the place than I’d thought.

Checking the number on the piece of paper Ken had given me, I froze, and my anger quickly drained away, replaced by a fear I couldn’t control. My heart pounded, pumping loudly in my ears.

I swallowed as I stared at the house I was supposed to be going to. It looked just like any other house on the street, but, somehow, I just knew there was something terribly wrong inside of it.

 

 

​

Chapter 4

Noah

 

 

My blood pulsed in time with each thumping beat of the music blaring from the speaker. Leaning back on the couch, I sucked in a hard drag of a joint, hoping like hell it would help repress the urge to shove off the girl who’d climbed onto my lap.

I guess she took my non-refusal as acceptance, because she then straddled me, slowly rocking her hips, rubbing her crotch against my jeans-clad one. If she hadn’t already slept with every other guy in TJ’s gang, I might have actually found it a turn on.

Taking another long draw on the joint, I watched her with amusement. Her hands slipped under my shirt, gliding over my stomach and chest as she continued to squirm on my lap. When her fingers started manipulating the button on my fly, I snatched up her wrist with my hand, holding it away from the zipper with a firm grip.

She froze, her eyes snapping up to mine, fear and confusion flashing brilliantly in their depths. “Don’t,” I said darkly.

She opened her mouth to protest, but the music suddenly disappeared and the room fell quiet.

“All right, party’s over. You girls need to get out. Now.” TJ’s death glare worked every time.

The girls quickly collected their discarded clothing off the floor, dressing as they left. I sat forward on the couch, squashing out the remains of the smoke in the ashtray, and looked up at TJ. He met my gaze just as the door closed behind the girls.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Do we have any Es bagged?”

Mac stood up, zipping up his fly as he went. “Two,” he said, heading for the kitchen to check.

TJ nodded, then checked his watch. The dark glint in his eye told me he was majorly pissed. “Tom was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago. That’s strike two.”

My eyebrow went up. “Again?” He’d only collected yesterday. It was unusual for him to come more than once or twice a week.

TJ glanced at me again. There was definitely concern on his face. “Just . . . be wary,” he said. We all knew what that meant: Be ready to fight.

I watched Vinnie give an uneasy look to TJ before disappearing into the kitchen with Mac.

Fifteen minutes later, a knock sounded on the front door.

No one used the front door. Ever.

We all looked at each other in alarm before pushing to our feet and checking our guns.

​

 

Chapter 5

Kaeli

 

 

My mouth suddenly felt like a desert, and my palms grew sweaty. Shaking, I stepped up to the door and knocked for the second time. A long minute later, the door peeled open and I was faced with what could only be described as my worst nightmare. It left no doubt in my mind that there were drugs involved.

“What the fuck do you want?”

I stared, wondering if it was actually possible to die of fright. The man who stood glaring at me had shoulder-length hair that looked like it had never been washed, with small, beady eyes and horribly discolored teeth. He looked to be around his mid-twenties, and his face was covered in acne scars. He wore no shirt, only faded blue jeans that hung low on his hips, and although he was obviously very fit, it wasn’t an attractive sight. Every inch of his torso was inked with vivid and vulgar tattoos.

I tried to remember what Ken had told me to say. “Um . . . Ken sent me?” I said, my voice high and squeaky. “He said to tell you, Tom—”

Before I could finish what I’d been instructed to say, I was grabbed by my upper arm and dragged inside the house with such speed, my head snapped back. The acne man slammed the door behind me, then pulled me toward the back of the house.

As my brain scrambled to catch up, I tried to scream, but he somehow managed to slap his hand over my mouth before any sound came out. I instantly went into a state of panic. I didn’t think my heart had ever beat so fast in all my life.

With acne man’s hand still clenched painfully around my upper arm, he yanked me down the hall and into another room, shoving me to a stop just inside the door and pushing me against the wall. I was sure I was about to go into full hyperventilation I was breathing so quick, but then I looked up and suddenly found myself surrounded by five more terrifying figures, one who was aiming a very scary-looking gun right at my head, and my breath stopped altogether.

The gunman looked a little older than acne man, maybe late twenties, and didn’t have anywhere near as many tattoos, but the thin, jagged scar that ran across one cheek, from his temple to his chin, coupled with the number one shaved head, was enough to scare the crap out of me.

And the look he gave me was enough to make me want to vomit. “Who the fuck are you?” he growled.

I was so worried I was going to be sick, I didn’t realize tears had started escaping. I honestly thought I was going to pee myself. “Ken sent me,” I said in a weak voice. “He said to tell you that Tom OD’d and that I was his replacement.”

His jaw clenched as he glared at me. He nodded to acne man. “Search her.”

Acne man instantly grabbed Ken’s bag, tossing it to one of the other guys, then pushed me harder against the wall, his hands groping over every inch of my clothing, pulling out my cell and purse and tossing them as well. Then he continued his search under my clothes, his hands groping over my skin, and under my bra, making me want to scream. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to whimper too loudly.

His hands disappeared, and I heard his voice beside my ear. “She’s clean. Very clean. I would very much like to make her a little dirty.”

I shuddered with repulsion, trying hard not to look back at his vulgar grin. Instead, I placed the bravest expression I could conjure on my face and stared at the gunman.

Without taking his eyes, or his gun, off me, he called to one of the other men. “Mitch. What are we looking at?”

The guy who’d caught the bag—Mitch—looked up at me before he answered. He had a shaved head just like the gunman, the stubble a pure white color, and his eyes were a strange yellowy brown. Even though he was wearing a shirt, I could tell he had a lot of ink. I could see swirling patterns that ran the entire length of both his arms, and one that snaked down the side of his neck, disappearing under the collar of his shirt. He also had a piercing in his eyebrow, a silver bar that moved every time he frowned—which seemed to be a lot as he gazed at me—and a ring in his bottom lip.

“It’s definitely Ken’s bag,” he said. “Looks as though he wants more than the usual five bags today, though.”

Gun man glowered at me for a few more minutes, then lowered his gun. “Either Ken doesn’t give a shit about you, or you’re really fucking stupid,” he mumbled before turning to a short, stocky guy with dirty blond hair. “Davo, I want you to go and explain to Ken how much I fucking hate surprises.”

With wide eyes, I watched as Davo took a gun out from under his shirt, checked it for bullets, then strode out the door.

Acne man still had me virtually pinned against the wall. I could feel his repulsive breath on my cheek as his hand brushed against my boob. “TJ’s gonna be a while, so I think you and I should go and have some fun while we wait . . .”

His hand reached toward my face, and I went to jerk away from him, but an arm reached between us, shoving against acne man’s chest. He stumbled away from me, his head snapping up in fury.

The guy with the shaved head, Mitch, stood glaring at him. “It’s my turn, Pock,” he said in a low, menacing voice.

Acne man—Pock—puffed his chest out, rising up to his full height, which was still a couple of inches short of Mitch’s. “Like fuck it is! You’re never interested in the fresh meat! You can’t just start now because some hot piece of ass comes along!”

Mitch wedged himself between me and Pock, pushing me back in the process. “I can, and I am,” he said dangerously. “It’s my turn, and you know it.”

Although I couldn’t see Mitch’s face, I could tell by the way Pock’s eyes narrowed that he must’ve looked like he meant business. Glancing over toward the gunman, who I assumed was TJ, I saw him watching me with amusement.

Eventually, Pock sneered, mumbling some obscenities under his breath before he shoved Mitch’s shoulder with his own, and stormed from the room.

TJ laughed loudly, the sudden noise making me jump. “Well, that was interesting! Have fun, man,” he said, slapping Mitch playfully on his back.

Mitch turned to me, his face still molded into a scowl. “Come on,” he grumbled, grabbing hold of my upper arm and pulling me toward a set of stairs.

“What? No!” I said, immediately pulling away from him.

His hand tightened around my arm, and he pulled harder. Terror like I’d never felt before hit me full force, and I started thrashing wildly, trying in vain to get free of his grasp.

His hand tightened even more, and I felt myself pulled sideways, my balance completely thrown. I stumbled, trying to catch myself, but then there were arms coming around me, and I was being hoisted over his shoulder as he began stomping up the stairs.

“No!” I screamed. “Please. Let me go!” My voice broke as I kicked and screamed, tears of fear falling down my face.

I heard TJ laugh again from somewhere downstairs before I found myself suddenly standing again. I spun, ready to run, only to see Mitch shutting a door and locking it behind him.

Oh, God.

​

 

Chapter 6

Noah

 

 

The girl stared at me from the middle of the room, wide, green eyes amidst a mass of soft brown waves. I kept my expression calm, but, inside, I was anything but.

I had no idea how someone who looked like her could possibly get caught up in this kind of shit. She looked so innocent, so clean. Why would she willingly do something so dirty?

But I knew better than anyone that looks could be deceiving. I’d come across a few people in the drug world, who I never would’ve thought would be there. I studied her, trying to see underneath the obvious, but there was nothing. She honestly looked like she had no idea how she came to be there, either.

My head spun. All I could think of was how I was going to get her out of this. I knew from experience that once you saw what was going on inside TJ’s house, you were there for good. It was like the fucking Hotel California.

I watched her back up until she was pressed up against the wall. She was like a caged tiger, all tensed muscles, coiled, ready to spring. Her eyes flickered nervously from me to the door, and I knew she was calculating her chances of escape. I saw her eyes quickly shine yet again, and I knew she’d realized her chances were slim to none.

With a deep breath, I turned away from her. I needed a drink.

Walking over to the small table I’d set up under the window, I poured myself a glass of bourbon, straight. Turning so my body was half facing her, I lifted the glass suggestively. “Want a drink?”

Her eyes darted to the glass, then back to me. She shook her head. Once.

I sighed again and sank into my armchair, sitting forward and leaning my elbows on my knees, caressing the glass between both hands.

“You can sit if you want,” I said, nodding toward the bed.

I watched as her breath froze inside her chest. “No, thank you,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.

Fragile. That’s the only word I could use to describe how she looked. I needed to get to the bottom of how she came to be here. I just couldn’t understand why someone like her would willingly do this. Maybe she liked a little party drug every now and again. “Do you want something to help you relax? Weed? Ecstasy? Coke?”

Her eyes widened. She didn’t say anything, just shook her head again. Fuck. She really was as innocent as they came. I needed to get her some protection.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

She swallowed, seeming to consider my question. I guessed she was deciding if she should give her real name. “Kaeli,” she said quietly.

I couldn’t be sure if she was telling the truth. “Interesting name. How do you spell it?”

Her eyebrows creased. “K-A-E-L-I,” she said quickly. Too quickly to be false.

“Is it the money, Kaeli?”

I had to ask. Ninety percent of the time, it was the promise of big dollars that enticed people into the drug game. Who knew? Maybe she had some college fees she wanted to pay off.

But I saw the confusion in her expression instantly. “What money?” she asked.

Damn it. What the fuck was he holding over her head? “Ken’s not paying you to come here?”

Her expression cleared with understanding, then soured into a very spiteful look. “No. He’s not paying me,” she said, her tone clipped.

I felt like I was getting nowhere. Maybe I just needed to be direct. “So, you’re not doing it for the drugs, and you’re not doing it for the money. What are you doing it for?”

Her eyes dropped to the floor, pain and distress clearly evident within her. She knotted her fingers together in front of her. Something inside my gut twisted with her sunken demeanor.

“Tell me,” I said soothingly.

She glanced up, meeting my gaze. She looked so vulnerable right then, I wanted to fold her into my arms. What the hell? You’re a bad ass drug dealer, Noah. Not a sympathetic guy! I warned myself.

“He threatened to hurt my mom.” Her voice was so soft, so delicate and fragile.

I instantly felt my jaw clench. “Does he know your mom?”

She nodded, her eyes filling with tears. “He’s her husband.”

Oh, fuck no. That couldn’t be right. “He’s not your—”

“No! He’s my stepdad.”

I inhaled deeply, needing to calm myself down. Not much pissed me off more than a wife beater. That lowlife fucking asshole!

I had to admit, Ken hadn’t really interested me before now. I knew he would come down with the rest of them when they fell. I didn’t even think about the shit they might be subjecting others—their family—to. Now I was just pissed. I was determined to make him pay for what he was putting Kaeli and her mom through.

“Why didn’t you just go to the police?” I asked when I felt calm enough.

She looked at me dryly. “I don’t know if you know Ken very well, but he hurts my mom a lot. I don’t doubt he’d kill her if I didn’t do this.”

That fucker! If he was anything like TJ, I didn’t doubt it either. I really needed to get some detail on her. “You still go to school, Kaeli?”

She gazed at me warily. “College.”

“Where abouts?”

She swallowed uncomfortably. “Sac State.”

I studied her. She didn’t look much older than eighteen. “Freshman?” I asked.

She nodded. “Yes,” she said quietly.

“What classes do you take?” I knew I was being intrusive, but if I could get someone in undercover, I needed them in some of her classes.

“Um . . .” I could tell she didn’t want to answer me, but either fear or an ingrained sense of politeness overrode her hesitance. “Biology, Calculus, English Literature, Economics.” She shrugged. “That kind of thing.”

Shit. She definitely shouldn’t be here. I’d make sure I got a message to the captain later tonight. I wanted protection on her like yesterday.

I pushed her for as much information as she’d give me while I downed another two glasses of bourbon. When I thought I’d gathered enough to pass on, I looked down at my watch, surprised to see how quickly the time had gone.

Exhaling hard, I swallowed against the dryness in my throat. Fuck. This was going to hurt. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer for what I was about to do to her. I hoped one day she would understand and forgive me.

Standing, I clenched my jaw and strode toward her.

​

 

Chapter 7

Kaeli

 

 

After almost an hour of idle questions that didn’t seem to make much sense to me, Mitch checked his watch and stood up.

“We better get this over and done with,” he said, moving swiftly toward me.

I tensed, panic quickly rising to the surface again. He dragged his shirt over his head and tossed it behind him, his eyes locked on my panicked ones. Fleetingly, I noticed he didn’t have anywhere near as many tattoos as I thought he did, but that thought flew right out my head when his purposeful strides continued straight for me.

Shit. No! Please . . .

I scrambled to the side, knowing escape was virtually impossible, but desperate to try just the same. But before I got very far, he caught me, pinning me between the wall and his large, firm body. I gasped, and before I could do anything else, he forced his mouth to mine.

I lashed out at him, trying to push him away, but he was too strong. His other hand pulled at my clothes, grabbing my shirt tightly in his fists as he pulled me harder against him. I hit at him, and tried scratching, but his hand easily caught both my wrists in his, holding them prisoner as he continued to crush his lips to mine. I was powerless. And I couldn’t do a damned thing about it. Tears poured down my face. Please, God. Please, help me!

Then, just as suddenly as he came, he released me, stepping back without a word. I stumbled slightly, my head a whirling mess of confusion and fear. Silently, he picked his shirt up off the floor and strode to the door.

“Come on,” he said, his voice more than a little rough.

With my head still reeling, I ran after him, praying that was it and I could now go home. As he moved down the stairs, I watched him shuck his shirt back on over his head.

I knew I must’ve looked a mess. Tears were still falling down my cheeks, my chest was heaving from fright, and the wild panic that had been with me since the moment that Pock guy answered the door was forcing my gaze in a different direction with every beat of my heart.

It wasn’t until I came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs behind Mitch that I noticed the other guys standing around watching us. They laughed at my pitiful appearance and gave Mitch a fist bump, along with various vulgar comments directed at me.

TJ pushed Ken’s bag at Mitch with a serious expression. “What do you think?”

Mitch gazed at me, then back at TJ. “She’ll be fine. Ken’s holding her old lady’s life over her head.”

TJ laughed and clasped his hands together like that was the best news ever. “Crazy fucker’d do it too.” He looked over at me, amusement clear in his eyes. “You know it too, don’t you?”

I felt sick that someone could be so delighted knowing my mom’s life was in danger. Bastard. His eyes suddenly turned dark, and his gaze cut into me like a razor blade. Panic flared inside me as I wondered if he’d somehow read my mind. Crazy, but that was where my head was at.

“Do I need to tell you what will happen to you or your mother if you so much as think about this place or what you’ve seen here in front of another person?”

I gulped and shook my head. “No.”

He stared at me for a long minute, his terrifying gaze reinforcing his threat. “Mitch, I want you to take her home. I don’t want any unnecessary risks with this lot,” he said, indicating toward Ken’s brown bag. He turned back to me with hard eyes. “And you can tell Ken that if he sends anyone but you from now on, he’s going to regret it.”

My heart sank to the floor.

Mitch jerked his head, indicating I should follow him, and my exact state of mind became clear when I found myself willing to do exactly that.

Taking a wide berth around the others, I trailed behind Mitch’s fast-moving form, never so relieved to leave a place in my whole life.

Leading me out the back door, he walked over to a very plain-looking white Camry parked under a dilapidated carport and threw the bag into the trunk. Opening the front passenger door, he held it open until I climbed inside, then closed it softly behind me.

My whole body felt like it was hanging by a thread. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I fell apart completely. It was only a matter of time. I could already feel everything rushing up at me, ready to push me into a complete emotional breakdown. My stomach roiled with it, needing the release.

The silence in the car didn’t help. Every now and again, I thought I could feel Mitch’s eyes on me as he drove, but each time I’d chanced a look at him, his eyes were focused straight ahead, his jaw set tight, and his hands gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white.

When he pulled the car into the alley behind our house without asking for directions, I wasn’t surprised. It should’ve made me feel uneasy knowing criminals like TJ and his gang knew where we lived, but I thought I might be too numb to feel anything just then.

He glanced at me as he flicked the car into neutral. “I thought it’d be better if you went in this way. Do you need help to climb over the fence?” he asked.

I wasn’t sure if my voice would work, but I tried it anyway. “No, there’re a few loose palings I can squeeze through.”

He nodded before climbing from the car and moving toward the trunk.

My legs shook as I climbed from the car. I knew I had to have been in some kind of shock or something. Mia always seemed to shake after having an anxiety attack, so I figured it was maybe something similar. I just knew I needed to be alone.

Mitch appeared before me, the stupid brown bag hanging from his clenched hand. Without a word, I took it from him and slipped through the fence, not looking back once.

Inside, I found Ken watching TV in the den, feet up on the table, remote in his hand. Not wanting Mom to see me in the state I was in, I chose not to say anything at all. Instead, I just gave him a stare I hoped told him just how much I hated him, and dumped the bag in his lap before turning to dash up to my room.

Pausing on the bottom step, I drew in a steadying breath, praying my voice wouldn’t betray me. “Hi, Mom! Sorry I’m late. I’m just going to jump in the shower!”

Without waiting for a reply, I ran up the stairs, no longer able to hold it all in. The second I stepped under the flow of the shower, it all came crashing down on me.

Hard and life-shattering.

 I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to get myself out of the mess I was in. The whole thing had been so terrifying, so chilling. I didn’t want to go back there. I couldn’t.

Sobs racked my body. Big, uncontrollable shudders that destroyed a tiny piece of my soul with each painful breath.

I wanted someone to save me. Take me away from the horror of it. I wanted to curse my mom for marrying someone so ugly. I wanted to curse my dad for leaving us to deal with this hell. I wanted to scream at the unfairness of it.

As my soul splintered, I sank to the floor, huddling my knees to my chest, trying to protect myself the only way I knew how. I’d never felt such despair, such hopelessness. It was a huge vacuous cavern. Pitch-black and utterly devoid of life.

Lying there, I allowed it to consume me. To swallow me up and take me. My body shuddered under its heavy hands and heaved.

The water ran cold, and still I lay there. If not in weakness, then to simply feel something other than despair.