Chapter 1

Jess

 

It was official.

‘Couple love’ had definitely hit, and it was spreading through my group of friends like wildfire. Five of my closest friends were now ridiculously, stupidly, crazily in love. They’d found what I considered true love. They’d found their soul mates. Their best friends. The one person who understood them the most. They touched each other. They gave each other ‘the look.’ They laughed with each other. And they exuded something that looked a lot like genuine happiness. Blah, blah, blah . . .

It made me want to punch them.

But not really. I wasn’t a psycho. I was just a teensy bit jealous. You see, that kind of happiness was something I’d been striving for with my boyfriend for the last six months. And just when I thought we might be getting there, I would see all my friends together and realize we’re not even close.

But don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t that I was unhappy. I wasn’t. Wyatt was an amazing guy. Seriously. Everyone liked him. But that was kind of the problem. He was liked so much that everyone wanted a piece of him, and at the end of the day, there wasn’t much of him left for me. Or maybe I was just a needy bitch. I had yet to work that one out.

Either way, it got me thinking. What was it that defined love? Was it something you just fell into? Or was it something you built—something you worked on and grew, like a garden that had to be tended to for months before it had a chance of becoming fruitful?

Wyatt and I had been dating for almost six months, yet neither of us had mentioned the ‘L’ word once. Sometimes I thought it—when I was lying in his arms at night, immersed in the contentment of belonging—but I hadn’t felt the true urge to say it. In those moments, I wondered if that meant it wasn’t real—that it was my higher consciousness telling me to wait. It could be better.

Then I usually just told myself to shut the hell up, because—yep, you guessed it—I may have had a slight tendency to overthink things. Just a little. I blamed my mom for that. I may not have carried her genes in the looks department, but, even if I wanted to, there was no denying I inherited a lot of her personality traits.

One side of my mouth crept up in amusement as I climbed from my car and looked up at the gray-clad house. Mom had called it her home for the last three and a half years, but I hadn’t even spent one night under its roof. I always thought that home was where you felt the love, but sometimes I wasn’t so sure.

Knocking on the door, I let myself in and closed the door behind me. “Hello?”

A split second later, Mom’s voice echoed toward me. “In the kitchen!”

Following the smell of baking pastry, I moved toward the back of the house and found her behind the kitchen counter. Norman, my stepdad, sat at the table, his nose buried deep in a newspaper.

Mom smiled as I breezed into the room. Wiping her hands on a dish towel, she came to wrap her arms around me. “Hey, there, my sweet girl. I didn’t know you were dropping in today.”

“Spur of the moment,” I said, squeezing her back. As she released me, I glanced over at Norman and smiled. “Hi, Norman.”

I watched his immobile back for a little while before giving a slight shrug and scooping up a baked goody off the counter.

“Norman,” Mom said, a hint of warning in her voice.

It was an argument that ensued almost every time I visited. It was one of the reasons I chose to stay away most of the time. Norman glanced up, his gaze falling to me blandly. “Oh, hi, Jess,” he said, his gaze back on the newspaper before he’d even finished speaking.

Mom’s jaw tightened. Norman’s lack of interest in me and my brother, Austin, had been a bone of contention between them for as long as I could remember. It didn’t really bother me that much. Norman wasn’t horrible. He just hadn’t known how to connect with kids very well when he and Mom had first gotten together. Over the years he’d learned, but it had been with his own kids. Austin and I were still something he just couldn’t quite figure out how to cope with, and it was for that reason I’d decided to move into an apartment when I started college instead of just staying at home.

Not wanting to be the cause of yet another argument, I tossed the cookie into my mouth and moaned. “Oh my God, so good. Why can I not make them as good?”

Mom turned away from Norman and smirked at me. “You’ll get there. You just need practice.” Picking up the container of flour off the counter, she went about cleaning up. “So how’s things?” she said, her voice muffled in the pantry.

“Good. Exams are nearly done, thank God. As much as I’m in no hurry to start adulting for real, I have just about reached my limit with studying.” I shook my head as I nibbled. “I don’t know how Wyatt’s continued to do it for so long. I would seriously die.”

Wyatt was in his final year of law school, meaning he’d been in college for almost seven years now. I hadn’t decided if I admired him for that, or just thought he was completely out of his mind.

“So, you and Wyatt are still dating, then?”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course we are.”

Returning the milk to the fridge, she closed the door and eyed me. “You can’t blame me for asking, Jess. You’ve been dating for how long now? And I’ve only ever seen him once.”

She was right. As much as I’d tried to get Wyatt to join me when I dropped in to see Mom, he was always busy. “Well, he breaks next week, so I’m sure we’ll have time to drop in after Christmas.”

“Uh-huh,” she said, washing the oven tray under the tap.

She may have been right to doubt. I still had no idea what Wyatt’s plans were for the break. I knew his family all lived in Portland and he’d be going home for Christmas, but I didn’t know how long he was thinking of staying at all. And it wasn’t from lack of asking, either. He just didn’t know yet.

“So, have you heard if Austin’s coming over yet?” I asked, trying to avoid discussing the awkwardness that was my life.

Austin was one of those brothers who pissed their siblings off by being complete over-achievers. Three years ago, at the age of twenty, he became one of the youngest people to be drafted into the NHL when he was picked up by the New York Rangers. Back then, we’d been close, despite the fact that he’d chosen to spend most of his time with our dad in Wisconsin. But, with his schedule being so busy these days, there weren’t many chances for us to catch up.

Mom tossed a spatula in the sink and smiled. “He gets here Christmas Eve and leaves Boxing Day. Not long, but it’s better than nothing.”

I knew the limited time she got to see Austin upset her, but I also knew she was proud of him beyond measure. She just didn’t like the reported ladies’ man he’d apparently become. Dad, on the other hand, was more upset over the fact that his grand plans of growing his snow plowing business into Montgomery and Son was now unachievable.

Mom glanced up at the clock and raised a mischievous eyebrow. “Wait for it. In three . . . two . . . one . . . ”

I had exactly one second to laugh before the sound of the front door being thrown open echoed through the house. A few moments later, my two half sisters swept into the room.

Taylah beamed at me through her blonde bangs, dropping her bag on the floor and coming to hug me tight. “Jessie!”

“Hey, squirt. How was school?”

She screwed up her freckle-splattered nose and giggled. “Mr. Turner made us touch a cow heart. It was gross.”

I released her and grimaced with sympathy. “That is gross. I hope you washed your hands.”

Her eyes rounded. “Oh, I did.”

Glancing over at Bianca, I watched her wrap her arms around Norman’s shoulders from behind. His smile as he twisted to look up at her lit up the room. “Hey, gorgeous. How was your day?”

Bianca straightened and shrugged. “Same as every other day.”

Turning, she met my gaze with an easy smile. Even though she’d stopped rushing to greet me when she turned thirteen, she still, thankfully, went out of her way to hug me. “Hey, B,” I said as she walked into my arms.

As I squeezed her to me, I watched Norman with Taylah, his gaze taking in her every word as she explained to him what a cow heart felt like.

“Are you staying?” Bianca asked as she stepped back to grab a handful of cookies, stuffing one into her mouth before I could even blink.

It always surprised me just how much she ate. I had no idea where it went. There was seriously nothing of her. “Not tonight. I have an exam tomorrow.”

She cringed. “Yuck. I’m not looking forward to college at all.”

Mom scooped the plate of cookies up away from Bianca and gave her a warning look. “Leave some for your sister.”

Taylah rounded the counter and snatched a cookie with one hand before wrapping the other around my waist. “Yeah, Bianca. These are my cookies, remember? You owe me.”

Bianca rolled her eyes. “Whatever, squirt.”

I shook my head as I gazed down at Taylah’s cheeky face. She wouldn’t have lasted a week growing up with Austin. He always ate everything before I even made it to the kitchen after school.

“When are you taking me to the movies, Jess?” Taylah asked, her little eyes pleading with me.

Kissing the top of her head, I pulled her closer. “I’ve already marked it in my diary for next weekend, squirt. If it’s okay with Mom, you can have a sleepover too.”

Her eyes widened before her hopeful gaze swung to Mom. “Mom, please!”

I watched Mom draw in a deep breath before slowly releasing it and shaking her head. “Of course I can’t say no,” she said. “I’d be the worst mother ever, wouldn’t I?”

Taylah jumped up and down with excitement, while Bianca scowled. “That’s not fair. I want to stay at Jess’s too.”

“You can stay a different night, if Mom says you can,” I offered, knowing it was most likely going to be a drama.

As both the girls beamed and danced around, I sighed with contentment. I may not have grown up with them like I had with Austin, but they were still my sisters, and I loved them all the same. Even Norman.

 

 

Chapter 2

Eli

 

Sliding the drip pan under the bike, I unscrewed the rest of the bolt and let the oil run free. “That should do it,” I said, pushing myself up to sit.

Dad nodded and tossed me a rag. “You replacing the filter while you’re at it?”

Wiping the grease off my hands, I smirked, knowing he was testing me. “Yeah, I’ll undo the lug after she drains for a little while.”

“Are you boys racing next weekend?” he asked, lowering himself down to sit on a crate.

“Nah, I’ve given up on the racing,” I said in all seriousness. “I’ll still go out to Prairie City to practice, though. I just can’t afford to take the risk anymore. The bar exam is only six months away now.”

He narrowed his eyes in thought as he looked me over. “Do you think you’ll be ready for it?”

“I goddamn hope so,” I said, resting my arms on my bent knees. “I didn’t sacrifice my dating life to fuck it all up in the end.”

One side of Dad’s mouth curled up. “Even the most well-laid plans can come crashing down sometimes, Son.”

I groaned. “Jesus, Dad. Don’t jinx me.”

“I’m not saying you could fuck up the bar exam,” he said, waving his hand in front of him. “I’m just saying that sometimes you don’t get to control when people come into your life. Things happen when they’re supposed to happen.”

I knew he was speaking from experience on this one. It was a story my brothers and I had heard many times over. He’d had grand plans to be the number one cop in the city, with no attachments to distract him from doing his duty. But along came Mom with her mesmerizing smile and bewitching laugh, and the rest, as they say, is history. The whole thirty years and five sons worth.

“We still think she did some voodoo shit on you, Dad,” I said. “I think you could break the curse if we take you to see the voodoo king.”

Dad threw his head back and laughed. “You boys just want a free trip to New Orleans.”

The door to the yard creaked open, a shadow appearing in the gap. “Hell yes I want a free trip to New Orleans. You paying, old man?”

I chuckled as my two oldest brothers sauntered in, Isaac with a bowl of chips and Adam with a case of beer. I met Adam’s gaze, not able to hold back the shit-stirring grin that molded my lips. “How’s the chicken bone stash coming along? Think we’ve got enough to bust the old man free yet?”

Adam grinned as he moved behind Dad and dropped the case on the workbench. “We’ve got plenty of chicken bones. It’s the mummified monkey hand that’s the problem.”

Dad shook his head with a laugh. “Yeah, yeah. I raised a bunch of comedians. You’re all hilarious.”

The door creaked again, and my two closest friends appeared. “Not as hilarious as this clown,” Brad said, sticking his thumb out at Jordan.

Jordan frowned. “I’m not sure if I should take that as an insult or a compliment.”

Brad patted his shoulder. “Take it as a compliment, Bro,” he said. “I’m not up for a dead arm right now.”

Bumping my fist to each of them as they passed, I tossed the rag I was holding to the ground and quickly undid the filter lug to drain the rest of the oil.

Brad nodded to the bike as he sat on the crate beside me. “How is it?”

I looked over my new Kawasaki and pursed my lips. “So far, so good. The skid plate was all bent out of shape, but there’s no damage underneath.”

Adam hollered at me from across the room. “Brew?”

“Yeah, man.”

Brad signaled Adam for a beer as well before checking under my bike. “Are you still keen to head out to Prairie City next week? Jordan says Pauly and the boys are ready.”

Interest immediately sparked. Pauly and his team had been my favorite challenge back in my amateur racing days. A little friendly race would be awesome. “Fuck, yeah. I can’t remember the last time I went up against their crew. How long are they in Cali for?”

Jordan plonked down next to Brad before handing us both a can. “Just for the week,” he said, cracking his open. “They’re touring the West Coast again.”

Isaac snorted as he straddled his bike next to mine. “I remember the last time you went up against Pauly, Eli. You sure you want to do that again?”

“Fuck off,” I said, flipping him the bird. “You know it was a faulty valve.”

He chuckled. “It’s okay, little brother. I’ll make sure I’m there with the truck in case it’s you who catches on fire this time.”

I rolled my eyes at him. Isaac was the smart ass of the family. He was also a fireman, so there was no way of escaping the constant reminder of the one day my racing bike caught on fire after a small crash.

Dad groaned. “Don’t even joke about it, Isaac. I had to listen to your mother go on about cursed motorcycles for a month after that. I’m surprised we didn’t all come home to find the workshop cleared out of everything motorized.”

Adam huffed as he sank down next to Dad, handing him a can. “She nearly did. I had to bribe her by promising that Isaac and I would be at every race after that.”

Adam was a paramedic. In our early racing days, he volunteered his time to man the track with his ambulance. But those days were over now. Not only had we all given racing up, Adam and his wife, Kara, were now expecting their first child, so he tried to be at home as often as he could be.

Isaac laughed. “And to think Mom was happy when Noah didn’t get into racing.”

I tried not to laugh, but it was a little bit funny. Noah was the youngest of all us Murphy boys, and while he’d been just as wild as the rest of us, he’d chosen his career young. As soon as he graduated high school, he more or less went straight into the police academy, graduating top of his class. Mom had been over the moon. Until she found out he’d earned himself an undercover gig infiltrating a drug ring . . .

The eighteen months he was gone was the hardest thing our family had been through. We rarely got updates of his well-being—despite the fact that Dad was also a cop—and sometimes went months without knowing if he was even alive. I swear Mom went an entire week without eating one of those times we hadn’t been able to get any news about him. She was just that sick with worry.

But he was home now. Had been for a couple of years. In fact, he was only ten units away from finishing his degree in criminal justice. I was beyond proud. We all were. His sacrifice was a large part of the reason I had decided to study law. I wanted to make sure the bad guys they caught got put away for a long time.

“Where is Noah, anyway?” I asked, starting the process of removing the old oil filter.

Adam chuckled. “Where do you think?”

“Thumbelina’s got him wrapped up tight,” Isaac said with a smirk.

Thumbelina was Isaac’s nickname for Noah’s girlfriend, Kaeli. And she really did have him wrapped up tight. He would do anything for that girl. But she was a nice chick. They deserved each other.

“She still refuses to move in with him, though,” Adam said, amusement clear in his voice.

I rolled my eyes. “Why? She’s practically living at his apartment anyway.”

Dad took a swig of his beer and shook his head. “I think it’s smart of her. There’s no need to rush. They’ll both be graduated by the summer, and then they’ll have jobs to pay the bills.”

“Unlike Micah.” Isaac laughed.

Micah was the middle child of the Murphy crew. Being an elementary school teacher, he was the first white-collar worker in the family. He made the decision to move out of home the minute he graduated college. The number of times he came home to beg, borrow, and steal had been a running joke there for a while. Of course, he had his shit together now, but he had yet to live it down.

Dad’s gaze swung to me before it fell on Brad and Jordan. “So, you boys ready for the bar exam?”

They both groaned loudly. “Why you gotta go putting a downer on the moment, Luke?” Jordan said, whining like a baby.

He was right, though. It was a downer. A massive one. But Dad knew the influence Noah’s sacrifice had on my drive to succeed. The finish line was within sight now. We had four months of law school to go, then a summer to do our bar review. Then it was D Day. There was nothing I wanted more.

Except maybe . . .

I glanced across the room at a picture of Noah with a group of his friends, my gaze zeroing in on a head full of tight, red curls.

Okay, there was no maybe about it. There was definitely one thing I wanted more. But, besides the fact that I’d sworn off dating until I’d passed the bar exam, she wasn’t mine to have.

I sighed. Jess was the biggest inconvenience in my life. At five foot ten, with fair skin and vibrant green eyes, she was ridiculously attractive and insanely sexy. The first time I’d seen her, she was with Kaeli, dripping wet and wearing nothing but a shimmery green bikini. That image was burned into my memory, and I can tell you, it had taken a great amount of restraint to ignore the need she invoked in me back then, and concentrate enough to graduate college.

Unfortunately for me, though, it hadn’t been enough to avoid Brad’s keen awareness. My sad, unrequited love was his daily amusement, and he liked to remind me of it whenever he could.

Following my gaze, he half rolled his eyes while stifling a laugh. “I wonder what she sees in him,” he mused as he stared at the picture. He knew how much I hated that her boyfriend was in it.

Choosing not to engage, I turned back to the bike. Jess had been seeing Wyatt for a little over six months now. She seemed happy, but I just didn’t get it. He was a law student like me, but he was completely full of himself. I honestly couldn’t figure out why she was with him. And I didn’t know what depressed me more. The fact that she was dating the one person I considered my archenemy, or the fact that she was attracted to someone I considered the exact opposite of me.

If I could just continue to ignore my interest in her, I might stand a chance of making it to the all-elusive finish line I’d been striving for these past three years. I just hoped fate was on my side.

​

​

Chapter 3

Jess

 

Smoothing down my dress, I gave myself a quick once-over in the mirror before grabbing my handbag and heading down the stairs. Tonight, Wyatt was belatedly taking me out for our six-month anniversary, and if I was to be honest with myself, the night was long overdue. Between exams and parties, we hadn’t had anywhere near enough alone time lately, and I’d been dying to have him all to myself for a while.

Moving into the living room, I found my roomy, Emily, perched on the couch. “Ooh, someone looks gorgeous,” she said, her eyebrows wiggling up and down. “Where are you guys heading?”

Strangely, Emmy and I had only met this year, but we’d formed the kind of friendship that made it feel as though we’d known each other forever. The fact that she was dating one of my closest friends from high school helped. Knowing just how happy she made Aiden had given her an instant tick of approval.

Drawing in a deep breath, I let it out slowly. “I honestly don’t know. Wyatt’s keeping it a surprise.”

She gazed at me, her head cocked to the side a little. “Are you okay? You seem a little off.”

I rubbed my fingers over my eyebrow and sighed. “I don’t know.” I chewed on my bottom lip as I tried to work out how to put my thoughts into words. “Is it bad to feel like something’s missing?”

Emmy’s brow creased. “What do you mean? With Wyatt?”

I groaned, slumping into the armchair. “It’s just this feeling I have in my gut.” Looking up to the ceiling, I let out a huff. “I just feel like we should be a little more in sync or something, you know? Like we should be more connected.”

She narrowed her eyes with contemplation. “Maybe you both just need more time together. I mean, you’ve been pretty busy with exams and stuff lately,” she said cautiously.

Lifting my face to the ceiling, I sighed. “That’s just the thing, though. We might not get as much time together as most couples, but when we do, he’s perfect. He’s attentive, he’s sweet, and I know it’s not just about sex, because half the time when we sleep together, we seriously just sleep together. He really is amazing, Emmy. So I just don’t get why I feel this way.”

She smiled, the corners of her eyes softening. “Sometimes the problem isn’t always obvious, hon. But you know I’m a big believer in listening to your gut.”

I rolled my eyes. “I know, but how the hell do I work out what my gut is trying to say when it’s being so goddamn obtuse?”

Emmy sighed, reaching out to take my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Just enjoy tonight—wherever you go. You’ve earned it.”

I nodded. She was right. I wasn’t going to ignore my gut, but if it wasn’t going to be more freaking specific, I wasn’t going to tie myself up in knots trying to figure it out.

Pushing myself to stand, I straightened my shoulders. “Do we have any wine left?” I asked, striding to the fridge and searching its depths. Locating a bottle in the dark recesses in the back, I pulled it out and grabbed a glass from the cupboard. “Are you guys doing anything tonight?”

Following me into the kitchen, she hoisted herself up onto the counter. “Yeah. The band’s leaving next week for a month so I’m binging while I can.”

Pouring myself a glass, I took a sip and shook my head at her slowly. I honestly didn’t know how she handled it. Aiden, along with three other guys I went to school with—Dean, Jace, and Matt—made up the rock band Fighting Fate. As weird as it was to me, they were now one of the country’s hottest bands to hit the billboards in the last five years. I mean, they were huge. I didn’t know one person who hadn’t at least heard of them in one way or another.

But I had to admit they deserved it. Aiden and Dean had been obsessed with writing songs since our sophomore year in high school. Jace and Matt had been more interested in the girls they could attract back then, and that probably hadn’t changed much for Matt, but it sure had for Jace. He and Aiden’s twin sister, Mia, were the ones responsible for starting the couple love fad. From what Emily had told me, Jace and Dean were the ones behind most of the creating that went into making their current album.

“Where are they heading this time?” I asked, taking another sip.

“Just the East Coast,” she said, running her fingertip over her bottom lip. “They’re still having dramas with the label. Apparently, they’ve reneged on the song approvals and now the band’s getting an agent or PA or some crap. Someone who’s supposed to help liaise between the band and producers or something.”

I frowned. “I thought that’s what Mia did?” Mia had been traveling with the band since they first went on tour two and a half years ago.

Emily rolled her eyes. “That’s what the guys thought too, but they’re saying this is different. Dean thinks it’s just a way for Leighton to manipulate them and avoid dealing with them directly.”

“So, they’re employing someone just to push their agenda onto them? Or are they charging the band for the privilege?”

She let out a humorless laugh. “That’s what Aiden thought too, but they checked. It’s not costing them anything.”

Scrunching up my nose a little, I gave her a withering look. “Sounds fishy.”

“I know. The guys don’t trust Leighton as far as they can throw him,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “Especially after what he and Lila did, but there’s nothing they can do about it. They’ve already hired someone. They’re supposed to be meeting them at the annual awards night.”

Whenever Lila’s name came up in conversation it made me want to spew a barrage of curse words in any random order. She had been Dean’s high school sweetheart. Unfortunately, Dean had caught her screwing around with the label’s boss, Craig Leighton, about a year ago. Things had been hanging by a thread with the label ever since. Thankfully, I was stopped from cursing Lila to all eternity by a loud knock at the door.

Glancing down at my wine, I drew in a deep breath. “Looks like it’s date time.”

Emily grinned as I tipped back the wine. “Have a good time, hon.”

“Oh, I plan to,” I said, giving her a quick hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Scooping up my bag, I made for the door, determined to make the most of this time with Wyatt. I was sure things would settle down now that winter break was here. At least, that’s what I hoped.

Pulling the door open, I blinked at the sight before me, all my troubles instantly melting away. At six foot two, with short blond hair and watery blue eyes, Wyatt really was unmistakably hot.

He grinned as he held out one perfect, white rose. “A beautiful flower for a beautiful girl.”

That was all it took to remind me just how amazing he was. Taking the rose, I threw my arms around him and kissed his jaw. “Thank you!”

As we pulled apart, he smiled down at me. “I’m sorry we haven’t had much time together lately, babe. You really do look gorgeous tonight.”

One side of my mouth crooked higher. “You don’t look so bad yourself, Mr. Barton.”

With a wink, he held out his hand for me to take. “Are you ready to go?”

I beamed. “Yep. Where are we going?” Stepping out, I closed the door firmly, making sure it was locked for Em.

Towing me down the path, he gave me a wicked grin. “Nothing but the best for you, babe. I’m taking you to The Firehouse.”

I almost stumbled. “Are you serious? Am I dressed okay?”

Stopping me, he took my face in his hands and gently kissed my forehead. “You always look beautiful, Jess.”

Warmth spread through my veins as I waited for him to open the car door for me. Stupid gut feeling. Where was it now? Of course it was nowhere to be seen. Because it didn’t have a damned leg to stand on.

As I slid into the cool leather seat of his brand-new Honda, I clipped my seat belt into place and sighed. Wyatt hummed as he climbed in beside me, starting the car and adjusting the stereo to play some soft, soothing music. As he peeled away from the curb, he took my hand and held it on the seat beside me, stroking his thumb over my knuckles in time with the music as he drove.

It was right in that moment I made the decision to stop analyzing our relationship so much. So what if it didn’t look the same as everyone else’s? We may not have had that much time to spend with each other, but when we did, we made it count.

Gazing over at him, I let out a little sigh. “This is perfect, Wyatt. Thank you.”

His returning smile was pure sex. “You deserve it, babe. We’ve had a few busy months lately.”

“We really have,” I said, so much in agreement with that statement it wasn’t funny. “I’m so ready for this break.”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Me too.”

“Do you know how long you’ll be in Portland?” I asked, watching him as he pulled into a parking space. “Mom was asking about Christmas when I saw her yesterday.”

He switched off the ignition and turned to me with a smile. “Only for a few days. Just over Christmas. I plan to be back for New Year’s Eve.”

As we climbed from the car, my mind began scanning for possible dates we could drop over to see Mom and the girls. With all the Christmas activity, the dates were filling up fast.

Taking his hand again, we walked into the restaurant. I’d never eaten at The Firehouse before, but I’d heard good things. “When did you book this?” I asked, looking around as we were seated. I was seriously impressed with this romantic side of him.

He looked up at me, his smile filled with guilt. “I didn’t actually book it. Zac had a reservation but couldn’t make it. But his misfortune is our gain, right?”

Zac was Wyatt’s best friend. At times, it felt as though they were almost inseparable. It was something I sometimes struggled to come to terms with.

Watching him across the table, I tried to push the disappointment down. For me, it wasn’t so much as being here and eating the fine food. It was the thought process behind the experience. I just wanted to know he wanted to make me happy, even if it was just a candlelit picnic in the park.

As I gazed into his puppy dog eyes across from me, I melted. God, why was I such a bitch? So what if he didn’t book the table? He still brought me here when it was offered to him.

Forcing myself back into the moment, I smiled. “So, Noah’s having a little party on Sunday, and we’re invited.”

Wyatt frowned. “I can’t do Sunday. What’s it for?”

The party was actually a celebration of the end of the drug ring he’d gone undercover to bring down, but I wasn’t able to tell Wyatt that. I’d been sworn—like the rest of our circle—to help keep Noah’s undercover identity a secret. “Just a little Christmas thing,” I said instead.

“Oh, well, sorry. I’m catching up with Zac on Sunday.”

Again, I swallowed down my disappointment. I’d lost count of the number of celebrations I’d been forced to go to solo. I thought that may have been one of the main reasons for my couple jealousy.

Wyatt reached out and took my hand, running his thumb over my knuckle. “You know things are going to be crazy like this until we’re both settled in a job, babe. We just have to get through the next six months.”

His blue eyes delved deep into mine as I watched him. The fact that he was talking about us still being together when we graduate and get jobs spoke volumes. It put things right into perspective. He was right. We just needed to get through these next few months until graduation, and we’d be fine.

I just needed to convince my gut to agree.

 

 

Chapter 4

Eli

 

Weaving through the crowd, I held my red solo cup in the air, not entirely certain I could actually make it back to the other side of the room without wearing half my beer or more.

Passing a girl I remembered from my days at Sac State, I smiled, trying to avoid her gyrating hips as best I could. If I hadn’t been so tired, I probably would’ve seen her wandering hands before they slid under my shirt.

“Hey, Eli,” she crooned. “Dance with me.”

I squirmed away from her under the guise of avoiding an obtuse dancer who was thrashing around wildly beside her. As the guy turned and grabbed her hips, I shrugged with an apologetic purse of my lips. “Maybe later?”

Not waiting to see what she had to say, I turned and continued through the crowd. Brad raised an eyebrow when I finally stopped beside him, his lips curled up into a smart-ass smirk. “Anything left in the cup?”

Barely refraining from rolling my eyes, I huffed. Brad knew I wasn’t much of a party animal anymore. That shit left my system when Noah had gone undercover. “I’m almost over this shit, man.”

He nodded his agreement. “I hear you. It feels like we’re so close to the end, but I know we’re still so far away. The bar exam scares the shit out of me.”

Looking out at all the laughing bodies, dancing and swaying and acting like they didn’t have a care in the world, I couldn’t agree more. As much as I was ready to see the end of my schooling days, what came next was seriously daunting. The need to succeed that ran through my veins was like an itch. Failing just wasn’t an option.

“Maybe it’s time for a little distraction,” I muttered, searching the room for options.

“What did you have in mind?” he asked, instantly on board with whatever I decided. “Blonde or brunette?”

The omission of ‘redhead’ as an option was how I knew he was a true friend. Because I’d been doing everything I could to avoid looking across the room to where the one redhead who was my weakness stood.

As my gaze fell on a sweet little brunette through the crowd, her gaze already taking me in with heated interest, I gave Brad a slight nod. “Looks like it might be brunette tonight.”

Discreetly, he shifted until he saw what I saw, then he drew in a calculating breath. “Five minutes.”

My eyebrow twitched as I met his gaze. “I was going to say ten, but we’ll go for five if you want.”

Our time bet had been one we’d joked around with since our freshman year of college. Jordan had started it when he’d discovered a senior checking him out and bet Brad he could get her to come talk to him within ten minutes. It wasn’t a game I got into back then, but since I’d made the decision to put dating on hold, the only relief I could get was from the odd casual night every now and again. The only rule I placed on myself was that she had to come to me. The last thing I wanted was to chase a girl and give her the wrong idea.

Looking back over at the girl, I smiled when I found her still watching me. If she was too shy to come talk to me, she was too good to play around with.

“Is the party still on for tomorrow?” Brad asked, obviously trying to keep some form of conversation going. Of course, it was Noah’s party he was asking about. The one I was excited for, yet dreading at the same time, because the number of times I’d been tormented by Jess’s appearance whenever I was around Noah made my life a living hell.

“Yeah, are you still coming? I might need someone to stop me from making an idiot out of myself,” I said, already knowing how painful it was going to be.

Brad laughed, but he didn’t comment on my sad life. “How’s Noah doing with his degree?”

Happy for the easy conversation, I nodded, my gaze making contact with the pretty brunette who looked very much like she was making her decision on me. “He’s killing it, man. He only has another ten units to go and he’s done.”

Brad coughed, obviously impressed. I was too. I was seriously proud of my little brother. “Damn, dude can work,” Brad said, shaking his head. “Makes me feel like a total slacker.”

Taking a swig of my beer, I nodded. “I know. Fucker kicks my ass in the gym too.”

Narrowing his eyes, Brad huffed. “Whatever, Mister Muscles. You and your brothers disgust me with all your twelve-packs and bulges and shit.”

I laughed. I couldn’t argue with him. The Murphy brothers’ love of fitness was strong. We got it from our parents. “Dude, you know I’m a stick compared to my brothers,” I said, chuckling because it was true.

Brad pinned me with a look of disgust. “A stick my ass.”

Another red solo cup appeared in my line of vision before it clicked against mine, splashing beer up the sides. Jordan raised one bushy eyebrow and smirked at Brad. “You want who to stick what in your ass?”

Unable to stop the laugh that burst free, I held my fist out for Jordan to bump, while Brad tried to glare through his smothered smile.

“No, seriously,” Jordan said, looking quite amused. “Whose ass are you talking about? It’s Jess’s, isn’t it?”

As I watched his gaze swing across the room to where I knew Jess was draped all over Wyatt, I grunted. “Fuck off.”

“She looks pretty hot tonight too,” he said, his shit-stirring motor in fine form, as usual.

Brad chuckled before trying to conceal it by taking a sip of his drink.

Lifting my chin, I gazed at Jordan and quirked my eyebrow. “Do you really want to start on me, dude? Because I saw Amber yesterday, and I could probably describe what she was wearing and exactly how it clung to her if I had to.”

The smile slipped clean off his face at the mention of Amber’s name. She was another one of Kaeli’s friends, but she was tall, blonde, and made strictly for trouble. Jordan’s infatuation with her wasn’t anywhere near as bad as mine with Jess, but it was still as funny as shit.

“Fair point, Bro,” he said, his expression morphing into one of contriteness. But then he raised his cup and grinned. “A toast. To the end of another round of fucked-up exams.”

Now that was something I could agree with. Bringing my cup up the same time as Brad, we knocked them all together, before tipping them up and draining them completely.

One semester to go. I could do this.

Looking back at the brunette, I let the corners of my mouth curl up, finding her slowly making her way toward me, her gaze burning intently into mine.

“Time?” I asked Brad as I finished my drink.

“Jesus,” he muttered. “You make me sick. It’s been, like, three fucking minutes.”

As the girl weaved her way closer, I heard Jordan laugh from somewhere behind me. “Dude has swag.”

He called it swag. I called it desperation, because the truth was, I wanted what I couldn’t have, and this was the only way I knew how to stop it from driving me insane. Even if it only worked for an hour or two.

But I knew it would end the same way it always did. And that was with me wishing the hair draped across my chest was the one color I dared not touch.

 

 

Chapter 5

Jess

 

Lying back on the couch, feet tucked to the side and a blanket pulled up over me, I snuggled into Wyatt’s side. On the flat-screen, Keira Knightly hoisted up the hem of her dress and trudged over the muddy ground, fierce and determined. I sighed a little sound of contentment and felt my lips curl upwards.

I’d missed this. I couldn’t even remember the last time we just chilled and watched a movie together. It was a welcome change from the constant parties we’d been to lately. The party scene was wearing thin for me these days, so I was happy Wyatt had agreed to a quieter night in. He’d chosen the first movie, and now I was making him watch one of my all-time favorites, Pride and Prejudice.

As Elizabeth Bennet narrowed her eyes and let loose with a barrage of eloquently spoken reprimands, I vowed to make more time to chill like this. I just needed to find a few more things Wyatt would enjoy doing with me.

Feeling his hand moving under the blanket and over my thigh, I grinned. Of course, I knew this was one of the things he enjoyed doing, but admittedly, it was another thing we hadn’t had much time for lately. But that was how I knew he was one of the good guys, because he didn’t get all pissed off when it happened to be a long time between sex. He was kind and patient, and he never minded if I wasn’t in the mood.

Wriggling my body, I slid my hand over his stomach, letting him know I was very much in the mood if he wanted it. As his hand slowed, tensing, I tilted my head back, moving my hand over his muscular chest until my fingers were stroking his jaw.

His gaze moved over my features, a little crease forming between his brows as he watched me. When he looked like this, I often wondered what he was thinking. I always thought he looked kind of tormented, but he’d assured me on more than one occasion he was only thinking.

I took him in as he sat there, looking over his neatly cut hair, freshly shaved skin, and strong, masculine jaw. He really was a gorgeous specimen.

As his mouth crashed down on mine, I melted, letting the feel of him wash away the niggling worries that had been plaguing me lately. Something that felt this good couldn’t possibly be bad. Sliding my hand under his shirt, I pushed against him harder, knowing just how much he preferred me to be firm over gentle.

He growled before pushing me back on the couch and coming over the top of me. “Tie your hair up,” he commanded.

That was another thing he was particular about. I called them his fetishes. I thought they were cute. With quick movements, I twisted my hair into a bun on the top of my head and wrapped an elastic hair tie around it.

“I’m going to tie you up one day, Jess,” he said, his fingers stroking up the inside of my thigh until they were tracing the edge of my panties. “Would you like that?”

I exhaled shakily and nodded. If I got to see more of this side of him then I was all for it. His finger slipped under my panties and skirted around the spot I really wanted him to touch, making my breath catch. Clenching my hands in his hair, I arched, squirming underneath him. “I want you so much, Wyatt.”

The crease between his brow deepened before his finger stroked over my clit, sending shivers through my body. “Do you want me to fuck you, Jess?” he murmured as he slipped a finger inside me.

“Oh my God, yes,” I breathed. It had been too long. I needed to feel him close to me.

Before I could blink, Wyatt withdrew his hand from my underwear and gripped the sides of my panties, yanking them down to my knees. “Turn over,” he growled. “I want you on your hands and knees.”

I paused. It wasn’t really the way I wanted him right now. I wanted close and sensual, but I knew doggy was his favorite position, and I wanted to please him. Flipping myself over, he grabbed a hold of my hips and pulled me toward him. Then I heard the sound of a zipper, followed by the unmistakable rustling of a condom wrapper.

His hand ran over my ass, his thumb moving down the crease, stroking over my butthole. “I want to take you here, Jess,” he said, his voice deep and rumbling. I tensed. “Not now, Jess. But soon. Soon I’m going to fuck your ass.”

My mind ran wild. The desire I heard in his voice made me want to give it to him, but I didn’t know if that was something I’d ever want to try. But as his fingers ran over my pussy, one long finger pushing inside me, all thoughts of anal faded from my head. Pushing my ass back against him, I felt my breath growing faster. This was what I wanted. As he gripped his cock and rubbed it over my folds, pressing forward, thrusting inside me until he was buried deep, I whimpered. God, he felt so good.

Gripping my hips, his fingers tensed, digging into me, pulling me and pushing me as he pumped, slow at first, but then his control loosened, and his movements became faster and more frantic. In front of me, Mary Bennet practiced on the piano as the girls milled about, but all I could hear was the sounds of our heavy breathing and our bodies slapping together.

I knew I wouldn’t come like this. I never did. But I really wanted to. I wanted to feel the release. I wanted to feel myself clench around his cock as I lost control of all my senses. The sound of his grunting told me he was close, and I wanted to finish with him. I wanted to share the post-coital bliss, worn-out and unable to move for the pure pleasure pulsing through my body. “Wyatt,” I moaned, unsure how to tell him to touch me.

His growls grew louder, his thrusts harder, faster. I was so close. Need spread through my body, taking over my mind. Reaching between my legs, I pressed the tips of my fingers to my clit and worked them quickly, bringing myself so close to the edge, and just as Wyatt’s body jerked against mine, his loud grunt telling me he’d reached his end goal, I crashed, waves of euphoria pulsating through my core.

Collapsing onto my stomach, I took quick, deep breaths, trying to catch my breath. My body sang, tingling with utter contentment. Rolling onto my side, I pulled the blanket to me and moaned, knowing I needed to go clean myself up. “Oh my God,” I muttered, struggling to my feet. “That was so good.”

Wyatt chuckled as I leaned down to give him a quick kiss. “Happy to be of service,” he murmured against my lips. “You have a sexy ass, Jess.”

I giggled before clutching the blanket tighter and darting off to the bathroom. All I wanted to do now was take him up to my room and snuggle until the late hours of tomorrow morning. It would be the perfect ending to the perfect day.

Cleaning myself up, I checked my flushed face in the mirror before smiling at my reflection and heading back downstairs to Wyatt. “I’ve had such a good time today,” I said, my gaze swinging to the couch where I’d left him, but instead of finding him spread out waiting for me with open arms, I saw him on his feet, shirt already tucked in and shoes laced up tight.

He gave me a sad look as he tucked his wallet into the pocket of his pants. “I’m sorry, babe. I just got a message from Zac. I forgot I had a textbook of his he needs before his appointment tomorrow.”

He was leaving? My head scrambled for a solution. “You can’t take it to him in the morning?”

He shook his head, coming to stand in front of me. “Unfortunately, no. He’s leaving first thing.” Disappointment flickered deep in his eyes and he sighed, pulling me into his arms. “I know, babe. I don’t want to go, either.”

Taking a little breath to push the upset away, I nodded. I knew it wasn’t his fault, but all I wanted was one night without interruptions. “Okay. How long will you be?”

Gently, he took my hips in his hands, then he sighed. “Would you mind so much if I just stayed back at the dorms? I’m pretty beat. I think I just need to have an early night, you know what I mean?”

I didn’t. I didn’t understand anything in this moment. But I’d vowed to never be one of those needy kind of girls, so I nodded anyway. I felt like I was on some sort of autopilot mode or something. “Oh, okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

He took my face in his hands and brushed his thumb over my cheekbone. “Of course. I love how easygoing you are, Jess. You’re the best kind of girlfriend there is. Curl back up on the couch and finish watching your movie. I know how much you love it.”

As he kissed me gently on the lips and stepped away from me, I pulled the blanket tighter again. I didn’t know why I felt so disappointed. It wasn’t like he wanted to go. He’d said as much. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Running the backs of his fingers through my hair, he smiled softly. “Night, babe.”

Standing where he’d left me, the unease in my gut rearing its ugly head again, I watched him walk out the door, trying to figure out exactly what it was that I was missing, because I knew there had to be something.